Resolution

I didn't have a New Year's Resolution until yesterday. I was playing through one of my favorite videogames called "Earthbound", and there's this particular place in the game called "Club Stoic". In this 'club', a bunch of high-minded people are hanging out in this cramped room with a stage, and on this stage is a rock, an ordinary rock. All of the people in the room are observing the rock and discussing the meaning of life with one another. One is envisioning the inevitable collapse of capitalism. Another is going on and on about becoming 'complete', and everyone in general seems obsessed with the dream of becoming a high-minded individual. The whole of the conglomerate seems bent on pushing into each other in hopes of ascending themselves into omnipotence. And I, playing as a band of scruffy kids on a mission to save the universe, am forced to compare myself to the situation. Who am I in this scenario? Am I saving the world, or am I paying $40 for a glass of water and the opportunity to feel better about myself? Unfortunately, I must concede that I fall into the latter.

I am a Stoic. I have to admit. I am stuck in my head. I am in the clouds, out of the world, out of touch. I don't experience passion, pain, and grief. I deal with all of my problems solely with my mind. Why? I guess my mind is easier to grip, easy to fall back on. When problems arise, I immediately slip into my neuro-processor for the solution. I don't turn to God, friends, family, or even the world, just myself. And it's a sickness, I've realized. I'm incredibly self-reliant and, as such, am a self-idolater. I'm obsessed with me and I'm out of the world.

How am I supposed to be a witness or a prophet or a savior of the world if I don't act as if I'm in it. It may sound odd to read, but I long to experience emotion, pain, passion, grief, everything, because that is what makes life worth living. They are the words in the alphabet soup. Without them, I am just a rock on a stage.

Time to make a resolution.