Acknowledged

I wish I appreciated people more. I wish that the first thing I did when I see someone I know is acknowledge and tell them how great I think they are.

I appreciate my roommate, Steev. He is a great, loving, caring, amazing guy, and I'm so lucky to be his roommate. I don't think I know anybody that can lighten things up like Steev does. The thing about Steev is that he loves people. He NEEDS to love people. There's something I wish I was more like.

Steev has lots of friends, which is something I envy, having had very few close friends. I'm baffled by the idea of being close to so many people. I know that wherever Steev goes in life, he's going to have friends and he's going to be taken care of. That's a very comforting thought to me.

I'm getting very good at telling my fiance how much I love her and how beautiful she is to me and how much I need her, but I don't tell people enough. My friend Kimberly Taylor has so many good things to say about her friends and loved ones. I wish I was more like her. I wish I could brag to people about my friends and my fiance and share the love I receive with other people.

I wish I was more like my friend Stephen. His ability to communicate, to share himself with people is beyond me. He helps me understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. Just knowing him makes me feel like I have someone to talk to if I ever need it.

I wish I was more like my fiance. She is a woman with common sense, which I DO NOT HAVE. Fact: Thomas is a common sense virgin. Not only is my fiance way more intelligent than me, she's also incredibly aware of who she is. She fights for the things she knows are important to her and refuses to live in a way that is contrary to her nature. How incredible is that? I can't think of anyone like her in this respect, and I wish I had that. She also can't stand being away from those she loves, and I definitely wish I was more like that.

It's interesting how appreciating someone involves comparing yourself to that person. Some people just provide something for you that you couldn't have on your own. It makes me wonder how I ever got along when I was so distant from people.

I appreciate God. He believes in me. My heart smiles every time I think about it. He's rooting for me. He treasures me. He's like the dad that roots for you at the sports games and tells you how awesome you are when you're convinced that you're the worst thing that ever happened to organized sports. He holds me up.

The thing about appreciating God, it's a little different from appreciating other people. When you appreciate God, He does for you what you wish you could do for yourself. It's a different dynamic, cuz we all try to do things for ourself. We all fail at that. I wish I could believe in myself, appreciate myself, root for myself, hold myself up.

But it's never enough. Just like I can never myself be like my friends, I can't save myself. Why do we humans always revert to our old ways so easily? We can't escape the sinful nature, you know? No matter how much we try to change, know how to change, temporarily change, it's like a rubber band. There is no escape except God.

I try to escape to my head, hence my previous post. Why can't I escape to the people who can actually help me? My friends, or better yet, God? I guess I just need to acknowledge it.